Massive congratulations to the winner of February's Blog of the Month poll...

The next poll will open tomorrow, with slightly different terms, because of Body Image Season.

 LoveLoveLove

- The BSB Team -

Guest post by Caroline of Second Hand Shopper.

Hi, I’m Caroline, and I’m indescribable. I can’t be called fat (though it has been known to happen…) and I can’t be called slim, because, well, I’m not. I’m a size 16 in most clothes (though I tried on two size 16 pencil skirts at lunch time that would strongly deny it) making me square on average sized for this island we Brits call home. And clothes were not made to fit me.

I learned long ago that clothes sizing on the British high street is there to cause shoppers as much stress and frustration as possible. Alongside said too tight skirts this lunchtime I did actually make a purchase, a lovely grey work dress that fits like a glove. In a size 12.

When picking out clothes it’s the overall proportions that dictate whether something will fit me. What this means in practicality is that a lot of the time clothes cut for the high street are not cut for my form, that I’m too hippy for the average store’s size 16 but too narrow-waisted for the smallest plus size fitting. What this means emotionally is that shopping can reduce me to a state of complete self-loathing as I dissolve into tears on the fitting room floor.

The word “fat” has become something of an expletive in modern society. We describe women as curvy or voluptuous, men as heavy set or sturdy, children as chubby or as carrying puppy fat… We bring out “fat” only when being vindictive or vitriolic, to sting or berate. “Fat” is a word I pull out when I want to torture myself, a stick I use to beat myself into submission when my wavering hand is reaching for the cheese at 10pm. It’s a short, sharp, shock of a word that can bring down the most beautiful, successful and independent of women and stop my greed in its tracks.

And we need to undo this evolution of meaning, to give fat back over to its purpose as an adjective rather than an insult. The way to do this is often seen to be to embrace “fat” a la Beth Ditto, and learn to love bodies for all the amazing things they do for us – whatever their shape.

But what if fat doesn’t embrace you back?

That’s where the issue lies for indescribables. Because neither fatties nor skinnies will take us. We are the ultimate rejects, uncared for, uncatered for and unloved.

Poor body image, we are told, affects us all. A recent blog post [http://secondhandshopper.wordpress.com/2010/02/12/wide-load/] I wrote about being overweight and its effect on everyday activities like eating in public, travelling by train and sounding out of breath after a brisk walk, provoked comments, tweets, emails and conversations from dozens of women simply stating “that’s EXACTLY what goes through MY brain”. It also provoked comments from women at the other end of the spectrum, who happily confessed to being equally aware of what others might be thinking of them. Everyone, it seems, has their own personal vendetta against their body, their face, their hair...  

But what no-one ever tells you is that it doesn’t have to be this way. Almost a year ago now, a Times Online article lead me to write another body-image inspired blog post following their comments about the amazingly beautiful Christina Hendricks (see image). The article was the oft-churned-out “curves are coming back” fluff, and heralded Joan Holloway (Christina’s character in Mad Men) as the ideal example of the new shape, while deriding Christina Hendricks for being “big” (an opinion recently reiterated to many a blogger’s disgust by a commenter on the Daily Mail website):

Image: HERE

“Every time Christina Hendricks (Joan in Mad Men) is interviewed and photographed in contemporary clothes, you are reminded that casual, undone and edgy do no favours for the hourglass figure. In that early 1960s look, with asset-packing sheath and immaculate up-do, any woman would die to look like her. But in a thigh-skimming asymmetric number with a frill down the front or, God forbid, jeans and T-shirt, she looks like the big girl who doesn’t quite have what it takes.”

(Source: HERE)

I’m sorry, what was that now? “The big girl who doesn’t quite have what it takes”?? Have you seen this woman?

Thankfully, unlike other “curvy” celebrities, Christina seems to have a truly healthy relationship with her shape. In the feature the image is lifted from, she states unequivocally that she was, until the media started waxing lyrical, completely oblivious to the fact that her body looked any different to any other actress’s. In fact, she’s fed up with her body being centre stage and would like to just please drop it already.

Which we could all learn from. Our bodies are all unique. And every one of them does the miraculous job of holding us up every single day, of mastering as many as five senses, of letting us work and play and laugh and cry and live. If we really want to expend so much energy thinking about our bodies, wouldn’t we be infinitely better off using it to sing their praise?

Every morning, my hair and I do battle. This battle is largely based on the fact that my hair sits right for precisely five minutes a day; the five minutes before I leave the house... meaning that I spend most of every day glancing in every reflective surface to see if it still looks as attrocious as last time. It nearly always does.

On a good day, my hair can look beautiful; I have the kind of golden-brown curls that make Grandmas go weak at the knees. On a bad day, my hair looks like Hermione Granger before she discovered straighteners and Frizz Ease. The problem is that good days are becoming rarer and rarer:

Amy's hair through the ages

And the last time a semi-decent photo was taken of it:

You can see the development from managable and cute to irritating and weird there, I think. Anyway, the reason that my hair and I have such a poor relationship is based largely on the fact that I have a) natural frizz and b) a genetically weird scalp, requiring medicated shampoo.

Over the years, though, I've learned one or two lessons about patience with hateful hair, and I thought that (as hair hasn't been tackled by Body Image Season yet) I'd pass them on...

Appreciate every good hair day you have

Seriously. You may be a member of Facebook's wonderous group "Why isn't my hair cooperating with me?", but if your hair does sit right for one day, enjoy that day!

Nod and smile

When your mother tells you that she loves your hair just the way it is. If you don't, you shouldn't settle for second best.

Do your research, and try out different styles

You might no believe it from those photos, but I have, and I'm now in the process of growing my hair out again, after trying it out short. Short was not a good look for me. Neither was straight; and don't even mention the word "layers"... I now know that the only way to wear my hair is to wear it long, and keep trying products...

On which note;

Try out different products

And don't believe the advertising slogans. Aussi Formula claims to de-frizz any frizz. Oh ho, it failed on me, and some! Also, don't take your friends' advice... unless their hair is identical to your own.

And... wait.

And, if in doubt, write a really angry blog post about your hair-based issues, and see what your readers recommend!

On which note... what do my readers recommend? :)

Good luck, fellow hair-haters - I feel your pain!

LoveLoveLove

- A -

I don't think that quote has ever been more fitting than in the case of Melissa Smith. She got in touch to tell me her remarkable story about how despite a disability, which causes the equivalent of third degree burns on her body each day, she has embraced her body and a sense of style.

I was born with a rare genetic skin blistering condition, called Epidermolysis Bullosa (or EB as it’s better known). The best way I can describe it, at least the type I have, is waking up every day with new second degree burns, caused by smallest amount of friction or trauma, like turning over in bed. The effects of EB are incredibly visible; I have to wear bandages covering my limbs, I regularly have blisters and wounds on my face and neck, my left eye is scarred, and I’m often in my wheelchair.

As you can imagine, this can have a devastating effect on one’s body image and self-esteem. Especially when people decide to stand staring and pointing in public, or ask the ever-tactful question “what’s wrong with you?” I’m happy for people to ask, but phrasing is important!

But among the things that make me happy are clothes. I love clothes. I adore them, and I always have!! I am a qualified practitioner of retail therapy, and I happily brush up on my shopping skills at every available opportunity. I love the look, the feel, even the smell of clothes, all a part of anticipating the first time you will wear them. Several of my friends have requested that, should anything happen to me, I bequeath my extensive wardrobe to them. Which is a bit worrying, now I think about it…!

At face value, an entire day spent shopping often seems like a vacuous waste of time, but clothes and accessories can have almost magical powers. They can make you feel on top of the world, when really it’s resting on your shoulders, and they can help you to love parts of your body that you usually loathe. For example, my feet are a source of great pain to me, but when I look down at my beloved biker boots or patent wedges…all is forgotten (for a while at least!). My belly, distended because several surgeries, is much less troubling when underneath my favourite French Connection or Ducie dresses. And why would anyone stare at my hands when they can look at a gorgeous, one-off bracelet? When I want to hide my sore neck, it’s just an opportunity to wear a great scarf or cowl-neck knit.

Clothes make people look at me differently, but in a positive way. More and more often people ask not why I wear my bandages, or why I’m in my wheelchair, but who made my jacket or where I got my dress. How I dress allows me to embrace the fact that I stand out from the crowd, and use it to my advantage. Clothes and accessories level the body image playing field in many ways, too. I mean, how many women are lucky enough to be able to pull off every style, colour, material? Being short, very long earrings and maxi dresses will never do me any favours, but that’s nothing to do with my disability! Yes there are styles and cuts that do more for my body image than others (shorts and tights? Yes! Bodycon? No!), and I can’t wear sleeveless tops without a shrug of some sort, or heels bigger than an inch-and-a-half. But when I wear my favourite outfit, I feel like I could dance down the street, singing “I’m Every Woman”. Because we are all the same really, aren’t we? Our hang-ups are just concentrated on different areas, or sparked by different events. We just need to know our bodies, and how to work with them, not against them.

What we wear can be a great medium for making statement, whether about politics, religion, culture or ethics. But I think the most important statement we can make, in this age of what borders on body fascism is, simply, “I feel great about myself today”.

You can follow Melissa on Twitter and/ or Tumblr

I'm taking care of BSB for the next few day's while Amy is lucky enough to be at London Fashion Week. Her task for me was to find two guest bloggers, the first of which is for today. I'm lucky enough to know the brilliant Alli Denehy of What Alli Thinks, she bravely agreed to talk about how she viewed her own body as a growing teen and how things have changed.

Being a teenager is supposed to be the best time of your life. You are believed to become an individual. Your body grows in all sorts of weird and wonderful ways that we just can’t help. It’s how we are supposed to be.

Recently I stumbled upon this picture when looking for underwear online and it’s transformed my opinion of plus size women. I’ve always thought I’d have to hide away under my clothes, not show off anything because I had convinced myself that no one would want to look at me. I thought they would be disgusted and appalled by it. Well I was wrong, I have now found a pair of and I’m not afraid to show off my curves.

Fashion and style is all about you feeling comfortable with yourself. Not what everyone else is doing or wearing. Do what you want to do because people will love you more for being yourself then being one of the many clones.

Whatever day of the week it is you should feel in love with yourself. Self confidence will get you so far in life.

1. 1. Write a list of three things you hate about yourself. Even if it just the way your hair flicks out the wrong way at the end to the way your hips stick out. Mine would be these...
2. - My thighs and the fact I have to wear size 16 trousers because of them
3. - Broad shoulders, halter tops are a no-no in my eyes.
4. - In between size feet, I can never find shoes to fit.
5. 2. Now you have you have this piece of paper, rip it into a million pieces. You don’t need to write anything down about what you hate, your all amazing, even with these “hang-ups”
6. 3. Put on your favourite outfit, dresses, shorts, skirts- anything that will show you and your beautiful selves off. Mines this dress. It shows off my curviness and my legs which if I’m honest I love about myself. I love them even more when wearing a pair of heels for a night out.
7. 4. This last step is the most important of them all. Go out. Get all your friends round and do it together, have a bottle of wine, write the silly lists and rip them up, get ready for a night out and then all together go show yourselves off, there is no point hiding behind closed doors. Who’s going to see you then?

What is the point of this exercise I hear you ask? Well it’s to prove you can all are beautiful no matter if you have wide hips, small breasts, flicky hair, bad skin. We are all perfect and we don’t need to be clones to prove it. Individuality is the key to life and don’t let anyone tell you different.

As a teenager we are always going to hate the way we look all because we want to look like the latest celebrities and follow the latest trends. I’m constantly worrying. It’s normal. Every person in existence is going to worry about the way they look once in their teenage years. We always have these niggles that something’s wrong .Nothing is wrong, everyone is their own being.
and as the song goes It's my life It's now or never I ain't gonna live forever I just wanna live while I'm alive. Live how you want to live, look how you want to look.

Famous for his “bumster” jeans that became a uniform for boys across the country and the iconic skull motif, it was with great sadness that the fashion world learned last week of the death of Lee Alexander McQueen.

I know that a lot of fashion bloggers felt unable to make a real tribute to the designer and I know that I felt inadequate to do so, so instead I posted a series of photographs from his Spring Summer 2010 collection show at Paris Fashion Week last autumn. (You can see my post here)

But it’s Body Image Season here at BSB and that’s what this post is going to be about (in part!).

In 1998 McQueen caused controversy when he sent double amputee and Para Olympian, Aimee Mullins, down his runway. However, it was not intended to be controversial, merely to illustrate that everyone is beautiful. I came across the following quote when researching this piece and thought it encapsulated – v nicely – the idea behind the Body Image Season:

“It started after a speaking engagement at a conference one day, when a man said to me: ‘You’re really beautiful. You don’t look disabled.’ I wasn’t offended, but it made me think that he obviously didn’t really think of me as disabled, or he wouldn’t have said that to me. I obviously looked like his idea of ‘one of us’, rather than ‘them’.

“It struck me that people found me very sexy, but if you sat them down and said to them, ‘There’s someone over there who’s missing both legs from the shin down’, most people would never find that sensual. Yet when people saw me as a whole package, without realising, they felt all those things that aren’t supposed to happen. Modelling seemed a sneaky way to make a point about that.”

From the Guardian

Lee McQueen recognised the beauty in a woman who might not have been accepted as conventionally beautiful by the rest of society but his desire to see beauty where others might not is something that we need to embrace. It is something that the fashion industry needs to embrace. A beautiful woman with prosthetic legs walking down a runway at Fashion Week should not cause an outcry, in fact, in an ideal world, her legs, or lack thereof shouldn’t even make the headlines. Just as the size of a model shouldn’t make the headlines.

We – society and the fashion industry – need to embrace women (and men) from all backgrounds and of all shapes and sizes and no matter whether they only have one leg or two or none.

I just had to include these photos to show you just how beautiful the legs that McQueen designed for Aimee Mullins were.

From the Daily Mail

Image: HERE

Most people's perceptions of anorexia are probably the same as mine were before I read Monkey Taming by Judith Fatallah. In my mind, before that point, anorexia wasn't an illness; it was a condition of vanity, to do with the media and the way that body image is shown to us all on a daily basis. But then one of my friends mentioned this book, and I asked to borrow it, as research for this campaign... and I'm honestly glad that I did.

Because, in Monkey Taming, the strange reality of anorexia is presented; the book tells the story of thirteen-year-old Jessica's battle with anorexia, a mental illness. It presents anorexia as a monkey in her mind; a monkey who is sometimes her friend, and sometimes her worst enemy - but who is the lone being that she can trust. The monkey tells her what she can eat, and counts her calories, and tells her that, basically, emaciated is a good look for her. He tells her she is beautiful when she is thin, and he tells her she is ugly when she eats.

The monkey is a disease; and that's what I think most people don't understand about anorexia. It's got nothing to do with the way the media portrays thin as beautiful, and it's got nothing to do with vanity, once it's set in. It can be caused by a hundred and one different things, and it develops into an obsession, and a compulsive disorder which takes far more than will power to break.

Why, though, should I accept this as the truth? Monkey Taming was written by a teenager, about her experiences - and, although it is a work of fiction, it is, on so many levels, the truth.

It may be a teenage novel, but it is compulsively readable: beautiful, horrifying, tragic, saddening, poetic, and, ultimately, uplifting.

And... I would have to say that, as it's only £4.79 on Amazon (UK), I would have to recommend that everyone reads it - especially if they want to finally understand what anorexia is truly about.

As one of Amazon's reviewers states;

"I know from experience that people often get frustrated with anorexics, because they don't understand what is happening to them. It's one of those things you can't really understand unless you've been there, and if you haven't, this is as close as you will come. A unique and revealing veiw into the inner half of a mental condition. Reccommended for anyone who has known someone with anorexia, and people who have never encountered it. An intense and wonderful read. "

 I was in my last year of primary school when I was told I needed glasses, except they were for reading and I have now gone from being long sighted to short sighted! At the time of choosing the frame I don't think I minded them too much but when it came to wearing them in class I absolutely loathed them. The frame was a thin metal one, which wanted to say 'don't notice me' but ironically did the opposite because I was so uncomfortable with them.

There's often a negative association with glasses, escpecially with young school children and it's really sad. Or else there is a 'geek/clever person' assocation which doesn't do all that much for social status at that age either. My mum hated her glasses when she was young so much (and this is completely out of character as she was by no means a rebel) she buried them in the dirt on the way home from school, to her annoyance though someone found them and returned them. She isn't a ready complainer so something must have really been wrong, and this needs to change. Glasses don't affect your personality, it's just a simple fact that my eyes aren't perfect and it's not my fault.

I only needed the original reading glasses for a couple of years as my eyes went into 'neutral', and fortunately by the time I needed full time glasses I'd found two wonderful role models. 1) The singing teacher at my performing arts school when I was a pupil. She was such an amazing lady with a kind and bubbly personality that just radiated loveliness with one amazing voice and piano skills (coincidental I also wish I was so good on the instrument as her). 2) Another lovely girl at the school I joined at the very end of year 9 who had managed the tricky act of being popular (though not in the 'Mean Girls' kind of way!), clever, a choir member and was just such a nice, welcoming person. Both of them had glasses that were part of their outfits, despite the glasses being the same everyday. They worked for their face shapes, wardrobes and just their whole 'look', neither screaming 'please, please don't notice I'm wearing glasses' or 'look at me'.

I'm currently looking for my 4th pair of dailywear glasses, so I've worked on some tips to find a pair that one can actually enjoy wearing:

1) Just because it looks nice on the rack doesn't mean it'll look good on you! Sad but true. At the moment the trend seems to be for slightly angular frames and they just don't suit me at all. Ones without much height don't seem to work on my either, yet they might be fabulous on someone else. Yet I'm only just 18 and must be aware that though my first frames (top picture) looked wonderful at the time they now don't suit me nearly so well; I was 15 and my face shape has changed.

2) Learn what colours suit you.I just know that dark frames just don't suit my complexion so blacks and browns are just complete nos, but I also don't suit exceptionally pale/transparent ones. However I've noticed that 'berry' colours- pinks, purples and subtle reds- in general suit me very well. If you've never bought glasses before try on lots, but you can quickly learn your ideal colour palette.

3) Don't judge the stand it's on. OK I have to admit I head straight for the one with the Gucci etc on, but however much you crave a label don't be blinded by this. Have a look round everywhere.

4) Geek chic?At the moment there's a trend for over-sized, usually lenseless, frames going round the street style websites but this look can be a bit much day after day, then again if you can pull it off and will be happy, go for it! I once saw the most gorgeous pair of bold, and I mean bold, red Chanel frames with diamante on the side and maybe I'd have loved them for special occasions but to wear them daily would have been a bit much.

5) Assistants aren't always right. Sometimes they get it right and sometimes they don't. Be polite when you don't like something but, and I find this hard myself, don't let them choose for you when you're not sure yourself- you're the one who's got to wear them!

6) Think about it. Don't feel you have to choose imediately after your eye examination if you're not ready to and make sure you try on plenty of pairs. Why not take some photos then you can go home and ponder, or even ask some friends for their honest opinions.

7) Be happy with your choice! We've all had the dress that is kind of uncomfortable in the dressing room, or the shoes that pinch your toes a little in the shop but bought them thinking they'll be OK. Yet out in the world where they are worn for hours on end you have serious regrets. Unless you are so lucky to be able to have several pairs to swap round you'll be wearing these everyday for a long time so you need to love your frames!

http://intrinsicallyflorrie.blogspot.com/

Style is something you're born with. You either have it or you don't. You can't really LEARN it. You can follow trends, sure, but not everyone can really ROCK what they're wearing. Thats because personal style comes from within. You have to look deep within yourself and figure out what you are really like. Think: self expression. The only way you can truly express yourself, though, is to be happy with who you are. You have to be comfortable with who you are inside and know that your differences are just your uniquenesses.

So how does one learn how to develop that personal sense of style? Well, remember those uniquenesses? This is where those come in handy. You have to embrace your qualities and really let lose and be yourself. I'll use myself for reference... I'm a character. I have a whacky sense of humor, I love to act crazy, and really let go with my friends. In fact, my personality is so strong that it comes out in everything I do. Over the years I've been able to really learn that the crazy things that I do, say, like, or wear, etc. are qualities that I should really embrace. In doing so, I really learned my personal style. I went from being a (natural) blonde to a fiery red-head, I really started getting into the many facets of fashion and how each piece can really express who I am, or sometimes just how I'm feeling that day. I start with the shoes and work my way up. Custom Pumas usually or some hi-top Nike Dunks-- the crazier the better. Then pants, I always go for a low-rise boot cut, its just what looks best on me but I get as many washes or colors I can find. Shirts are easy, they can probably be the most expressive part of the attire-- or would it be the shoes!? I always try to find fun patterns or things going on to express myself. Don't forget you can always layer! But accessories are always what sells the outfit; hats, belts, jewelry, watches, scarves, etc. can always express personal attributes. By the time I'm all dressed I'm usually either a mesh of name-brand clothing of all the brightest and most exclusive, or rare, variety. But I stand out,  feel like a million bucks and like I could take over the world. And it shows. I'm much more of an extrovert and more likely to be the life of the party when I know I look as good as I feel. My personal style at that time would have officially taken over my body and made me a much happier person.

Think about it. When you're dressed to the best of your personal likings, in your personal confident zone, you are more likely to have a great time and be more social. It's like you glow when you enter the room and people sense it.

So as it seems I've come to the realization that fashion and emotion truly are connected. There are those who turn their nose at fashion saying that its either too flashy, to which I say those people are stuck in their shell. Or that it costs too much, a white T-shirt goes a long way and can look good with anything. But no matter what you wear just always go with your gut feeling. Don't let yourself fall into a fashion rut, put on whatever you want as long as you feel good.