HEY THERE PROBLEMEERS!
You know what I think this place is lacking? Just a wee small spot of public camaraderie. Us BSB writers all gab about on twitter and in our own blogs and so forth, but do you, the BSB reader, have the time or inclination to take a look at all that? Maybe not!
As such, this month I decided to ask my fellow active staff members to send me a problem or two each, so that you - the viewer - can get just a little bit more insight into what goes on inside the minds behind the keyboards. Can you tell which problem is from whom? There may be clues. But.. how well do you know us?! No guessing in the comments in case it embarrasses; let's keep things strictly mental.
I hope you enjoy feeding from their confusion! Here goes.
Hi claire, I leave for university on the 18th and I'm not worried about fitting in as I'll speak to anyone but I'm pretty bad at turning people down. So how do I balance the fun of uni with the big workload?
Here's how: by not forgetting to remember that the big workload IS the fun of uni.
No, seriously - hear me out. You can "meet people" anywhere there ARE people, and you can have "nights out" in any city, town or village. These aren't rare opportunities, even if these specific people are ones you happen to have met only through university. I'm sure they're gonna be great. But.
You, I know, are studying fashion communication. Why? Because you love it. Pursuing this line of study genuinely improves your life and makes your mind (an important aspect of "yourself"!) feel useful and well-exercised. There aren't many places in the world where a person can hope to complete work they enjoy to the best of their abilities - and then receive feedback and guidance on how to make it even better next time. But uni is one of the places where you can! There's a reason it's so expensive, and it's not just 'people love money'; it's because it's an environment that is WORTH something. University courses exist in order for people to embiggen themselves.. and the opportunity to improve yourself in ways that enthuse you is an enormous, embraceable privilege.
We like to meet and spend time with people because people can improve and inform our lives. That's fine, people can be fun! But not every individual is worth more to your life and your experiences than completing university work to a satisfactory standard. Think about it like this: the Doctor has never met anyone who didn't count, it's true - but over 900 years he's met plenty of people who weren't what the television show "Doctor Who" needed to include, in order to make an engaging and popular screen narrative.
If you get what I'm saying.
When is wearing fashion too much? Especially for men.
When you feel uncomfortable in it. This is a short answer. But it's true. HOWEVER, it leads to this question from another staff problemeer:
Although I love fashion and love having my own individual style, I still sometimes feel a bit self-concious when I go out in slightly 'out of the ordinary' outfits, especially in situations where everyone else is just wearing jeans and t-shirts - any tips for embracing the 'individual me' and ignoring what other people think?
My first tip is to change the way YOU think about it, and the easiest way to do that is to change the language you use to talk about it. Everybody else? Literally everybody? It's possible, but it's unlikely. But I'll get back to that. More pertinently, you certainly don't need to learn to ignore what other people think; you need to learn to embrace (and imagine) what the positive people think!
If you're in a situation where your dedication to fashion makes you stand out, try to remember that a rejection of the avant-garde does not a herd of sheeple make. Note the variation in style of jeans. Observe the embroidery on the pocket, the colour of the overstitching, how some of them have earnt the holes and the worn patches and some of them just bought it off the rack. You need to look deeper, and see that "everyone in t-shirts" is actually some people in graphic tees, some people in shell tops, some people in layered vests, some baseball shirts, some repping their best bands and some are signalling to any other fan of this cartoon they watched in 1988 that they totally watched it too! Are some of them wearing a watch? Are all the watches the same? Do some have cuffs, some bracelets, some plastic rings and some heirloom jewellery?
If you notice that everyone with access to a post-industrial revolution garnet environment has no choice but to have their own appreciable style, it will be so much easier to have no truck with anyone who dares to try and bring you down by noting that you have one too. As Elton John once sang there is more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done - this manifests here as some people (you) having a far larger allotted affinity for fashionable experimentation than others (others). That's just a fact. That we all exist within the circle of life is what you need to keep front and centre here: just because the Simba of other people's fashion is not allowed further than the elephant's graveyard, does not mean that he can't have extensive adventures within the Pridelands of jeans-and-tee. You know?
If you remember that there's just as rich a life to be had within a small pool as there is in a big one, and that everybody has their own equivalent of your love for fashion, it'll be easier to think of yourself as nothing different.
And a last "if": If you genuinely think of yourself as a completely normal human just going about their business, you won't have to worry that people are thinking you're different or better. Because if they do, they'll be wrong. And that will be their loss, not yours.
My friend has just offered me a spare ticket to see Pulp at Brixton Academy tomorrow night, and I'll be going straight from work. What am I going to wear to take me from office to brit pop gig?
First off: you lucky blighter!!
Secondly, I am going to assume that you'll be looking to have some 'britpop flavour' in your outfit, just to help me narrow the wardrobe choices here down a bit.
That would still be tricky to prescribe for of course, if you hadn't mentioned the band in particular. So thank you, for that! Britpop was kind of a weird 'scene', the identifying point in common being "British" (or rather, for the most part, English. But let's not be political), rather than being sound unified through aesthetics.
So. Let's work from Cocker, shall we?
Luckily for you and me he's a man who likes a good blazer. And I do mean a good one - no cheating and wearing your grudge-bought office polyester. Something a bit plush and not too ostentatious, which luckier still will usually mean that just about any non-beater pair of trousers (pencil skirt?) will look workplace ready underneath it. What does non-beater mean? OK. Does your trouser have frayed edges? Holes? Studding or bedazzling? Is one leg more than twice as wide as your leg? If any of these are a yes, these are probably not dress code-appropriate. Forget them. If you're still at sea, go to your wardrobe and pick out something slim-cut or ankle-pegged but not tight. If your blazer is dark, bright (not neon) trousers are fine - if your blazer is richly coloured, go drab on the downstairs.
If you have shoes from Kickers: wear them. If you don't know why, google "Jarvis Cocker kickers" - and understand that matching a brand to a name is easier than analysing one man's shoe choices over three decades.
Fill a pocket with button badges. Button badges aren't really hip, but at the most they'll serve as talking points and at the least they'll make you feel a bit less school-uniform-at-the-disco-y as you add them on your journey between work and show.
If you're picking a t-shirt, go for art-graphics before reference-graphics. If it's all too complicated and you just want to "throw on a vintage frock".. pick something geometric and slightly awkward. Yeah yeah, you know.. "Margot Tenenbaum". I'm sorry! I tried to be original! I did.
I've left university and am about to go into the real world. How do I transition my wardrobe into something more suitable?
You must be brave. Take no pity on yourself!
First of all, the hardest part: throw (donate) out all your training wheels. Take note - I'm going to be strident about being "grown up"; this isn't strictly what I think all adults should always do, but tight, straight and high expectations which you can relax, individually, to suit your lifestyle and your tastes. I will sound like a dick, but that's OK. You have permission to roll your eyes.
If you're working from a university wardrobe, I predict: you own one million hoodies. Or maybe only three or five, but they are probably ratty. Frayed cuffs? The drawstring's come out of the hood? The stretchy areas aren't, any more? You go around with your surname and a big number made out of other surnames written on your back? TERRIBLE TERRIBLE AWFUL! Pack them away. Throw them away. Turn them into cushions. DO NOT WEAR THEM! Never wear them again.
A grown up adult needs no more than at most two hoodies: one zip, one pull-on. They must be smart and of the highest quality possible at your price-point. Ideally they will be attractive items in their own right - not just rectangles, with hoods. Exceptions to this rule can be found in the "clothes to wear to paint rooms, do carpentry, etc" box.
Get rid of anything else that doesn't fit you or that's worn out. Make a pile of everything that leaves you feeling less than satisfied - and then sort through it looking for common themes. Maybe everything from [whichever highstreet shop] loses its shape, or all palazzo pants make you feel adrift. Write this down. On paper. Don't lose the paper! Now make a pile of everything that looks like it could be "gym wear". Put it in a drawer marked GYM ONLY. If you don't go to the gym, donate donate donate.
Next, identify the career you are suited for. Identify what people who do this job are expected to wear. Identify a compromise between this and things that YOU would like to wear. When shopping, make sure that you own at least three outfits that are appropriate for your prospective job, but which can also be worn just 'to be you'.. because you need to be ready to be employed, but then again, who knows if you actually will be any time soon or not? You need to own clothes that you can wear.
In the real world, you've got to remember to polish your shoes. Pick clothes that can show you've made that extra bit of effort, because you care. You've got to care. Make the effort.
Good luck!
I am off on a holiday to windy, rainy West Wales with my family AND my boyfriend very soon and need to look irresistible and remain practically attired at all times. How do I pull this off?!
I think that the best thing to purchase, if you're looking to purchase, would be a wool hat. Not a beanie, a structured, woven/sewn pure wool hat or cap, such as men who carry shotguns over their arms wear or used to wear. This will do several things:
1) It will keep the wind and rain out. This won't only improve your comfort levels; on the image side of things your hair won't flail about and if you choose one that you feel suits you, you can be sure that your face is always nicely framed.
2) It will keep your body heat in! This will mean you need fewer layers on the rest of your body - you can avoid high levels of bulk, and in less inclement weather you'll even be able to keep things form-fitting if you so choose.
3) You will impress everyone with your respect for traditionally appropriate attire. Perhaps you will even look like a retronautical delorian-trailblazer, bringing back lost brilliance into this age of fleece and gore-tex.
4) A good wool hat lasts forever, so you will be saving your future self some pocket money.
The second best thing, if you're going to be doing any sort of walking (I hear "West Wales", I think "walking holiday"), is a pair or three of walking socks. The sort that cups your foot gently as opposed to a thick pair of foot-mittens. Start with Bridgedale, and research outwards. In a holiday that balances family with beloved, you need to make ABSOLUTELY sure pre-trip that you will be as comfortable and relaxed as possible, because you're the linchpin of the whole emotional operation. Painful feet affect your whole body through posture and distraction - they put happy memories in jeopardy.
Third, some sort of deadly-mod transparent PVC rain cloak.
If you're hoping not to spend any money, my advice is this: When packing, avoid acrylic fabrics. You're going to be adding and removing layers as you go in and out of buildings; avoid static at all costs. Or your face will go red and your hair will go boom! Speaking of hair, before you go you should take some time to practise productless hairstyles you can complete quickly. Wind and rain will ruin all of your morning effort, so why put yourself in the position of being disappointed?
Finally, keep your neck warm. Find a scarf in your colour, your pattern. And make sure it's small enough to fit in a pocket, because over heating is not really that attractive either.
Is a long distance relationship worth it if I only meet them on holiday?
Ask yourself this: "Do I want to carry on this relationship?"
The answer will become clear to you.
You see, the worst thing a healthy relationship can do is fail. That sounds terrible, when you first hear it - but wait! The point is, that if it does, you haven't lost anything you don't have now.
If you're unsure about continuing a relationship beyond what you originally saw as the cutting-off point, everything from there on is a bonus round. If you ask yourself, and you find that you don't still want to be with this person or if you just don't want to be in a long distance relationship, then you know - that's not a relationship worth continuing. That doesn't mean it wasn't nice while it lasted. BUT if you ask yourself, and you find that you do want to remain this person's significant other - then the truth is that the potential eventual failing of that relationship shouldn't matter. It isn't a relevant factor, to the situation you have right now.
So: long distance relationships can be hard. They can be SO hard. But they aren't always, and oftentimes they are lovely. Remember than "hard" isn't defined as "not worth it". A 'long distance relationship' isn't really a genre of relationship all of its own; it's just an extra basic fact about the physical distance between the participants' homesteads. Being in one doesn't make you any particular type of person, or say anything significant about the depth, meaning or value of the relationship itself. You wouldn't denigrate the bond between a serviceperson and their partner, would you? Time spent apart isn't time spent unloved.
The worst thing a healthy relationship can do is fail, and all failing means is "the good times end". Everything ends, kiddo. But that doesn't mean those times can't belong to you any more.
You know what? This has got so long! I have two more staff problems, and I'll be answering them on the CLAIRFIX TUMBLR over the next two weeks. Don't forget to check there to pick up all the transformational advice, and leave a problem or two of your own, okay?
You don't have to do what I say,
Clairefix.
Remember - the ask box is always open, and urgent problems can and will be answered on the tumblr between monthly fixtures. Feel free to ask anonymously!
Peace out, problemeers! And hey - feel like being a great help? But the clairfix link-button in your sidebar and point other people in the direction of my helpful help! Cheers!
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